So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
