You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
