Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
