The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
