I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
