I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
