I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
