Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
