It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
