Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
