we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
