You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
where are my eyebrows?
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