I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
