I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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