Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
