Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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