I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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