me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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