oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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