This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
