No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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