She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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