i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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