Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
