What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
