They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
