were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
