i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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