I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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