Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
