My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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