well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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