The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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