i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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