yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
