how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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