Soap is not a condiment
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
