she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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