Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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