Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
someone owes me an orgasm
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
