girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
