I need to stop coming to work sober
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
