I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
