She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
