I am in a vortex of obligation.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
