Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
