Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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