We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
