i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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