I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
