he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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