I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
