she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
