The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
