dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
